Erestor's Love
by cavillal
Summary: Erestor's struggle for love. Completely AU, Slash, Mpreg. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

A fool. An absolute fool. How could I have been so stupid as to fall in love and with Glorfindel of all people? Glorfindel of Gondolin, Lord of the Golden Flower, Balrog Slayer there were so many reasons why it was an absolute mistake, especially knowing that he was and still is in love and bonded to Ecthelion, who waits for him in Valinor. I knew all the reasons why I shouldn't have and yet I ignored every one of them. Elrond himself counseled me against it and like the stubborn idiot that I am, I ignored it.

I swore to myself when all this began that I would not fall in love with him, that it was simply companionship that we both craved and sharing of the bodies. It was all a mistake, an enormous mistake. But fall in love with him I did and now I have to deal with the consequences, heartbreak and probably the ending of our friendship.

I don't believe he even realizes that I love him. How can he when I guard my feelings behind a mask of indifference so he would never know? I can't anymore, though, the pain I feel every time we are together is unbearable. How can I continue? He will never love me like I wish for him to do so, or bond with me, or spend all of eternity with me. Don't I deserve better? Elrond certainly believes so.

"Erestor, are you listening to me," asks Glorfindel slightly worried.

"What is it Glorfindel? I am busy," I respond in an unfriendly tone.

"It is past midnight. Why don't you come to bed? The work will still be there in the morning."

"Nay," I respond getting as comfortable in my chair as I can while trying to gather my courage to do what I know must be done.

"We need to talk," I say looking everywhere but at him.

"Erestor, what is going on," he asks his concern evident.

"This… whatever it is that we have, can't … I don't wish to continue," I trailed off not knowing how to finish.

"Why? Did I do or say something wrong? Erestor, what is it," Glorfindel asked desperately.

"I… I care for you, Glorfindel, more than you could ever care for me. I realize … that, I realize that you never could. You can't give me what I want anymore. And frankly, I deserve more. I deserve to be loved, cherished, for someone that wishes and can spend the rest of our days together. That isn't you Glorfindel. You love Ecthelion are bonded to him. I can't risk it… to do so would lead to a path that I don't want to take."

"I… I am sorry, Erestor. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, Glorfindel, I know. I hope we can remain friends." I ask looking him in the eye.

"Aye. It won't be easy, but we can try."

"Good. I will see you tomorrow." I answer as I rise and exit my office, leaving him behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Time passes and with it so does the pain and heartbreak. I never thought that I would get past my love for Glorfindel, but I did. It happened slowly and without me even realizing. One day I just woke up and realized that I didn't hurt anymore. My thoughts were not centered on Glorfindel anymore and how I was going to avoid him that day. I simply woke up and saw everything around me more clearly. I took the time to look and observe my surroundings. I heard the bird's song for the first time in almost two centuries and smelt the blooming roses of Elrond's gardens. For the first time in two centuries I felt happy, content even.

What I do know is that I never could have done it without Elrond. He is without a doubt the best friend anyone could ask for. He didn't even say 'I told you so'. He is as loyal a friend as ever. I know he didn't pick sides in Glorfindel and mine's breakup but it wasn't hard to tell that he was not all that happy with him, straining their relationship somewhat. At least we were all able to be professional when needed or Imladris would have suffered greatly.

"Good morning Elrond," I say walking into his office.

"Morning, Erestor," he says looking shocked.

"It's beautiful today, isn't," I ask while taking a seat across from him.

"Yes, it is," he manages to answer smiling brilliantly. Glorfindel walks into the office then with a stack of parchment. "Here are the reports you asked for my Lord," Glorfindel says placing the stack on Elrond's desk and making for the exit quickly.

"Good morning Glorfindel," I say cheerfully interrupting his swift exit.

"I…um Good Morning Erestor," he answers nervously before continuing out the door.

"That went well didn't it Elrond. What's wrong with you today," I ask concern evident in my voice.

"I… it's just… you haven't been this happy in centuries," he finally answers unsure.

"I know and I am sorry. But I just woke up this morning and felt happy, like before everything with Glorfindel happened. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I had an epiphany of sorts. I just woke up and realized that I didn't hurt anymore. I don't love him anymore, Elrond."

Before I know it Elrond is beside me taking my hands in his. "Oh Erestor, I am glad. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you, Elrond. I am happy," I say smiling up at him.

"Come my friend there is much to get done this day," he says after a while.

"Aye, there is," I agree gathering all the correspondence.


	3. Chapter 3

A fool. An absolute fool. How could I have been so stupid as to fall in love and with Elrond of all people? Haven't I learned my lesson yet? Apparently not because if I had I wouldn't be in this situation again. I have to be a magnet for these types of situations, first Glorfindel and now Elrond.

Where to start, there are many things to love about Elrond. He is the most gentle and compassionate elf and absolutely beautiful. He has been a loyal friend to me and has seen me through the worst of times, from Eregion's fall to everything that happened with Glorfindel. Ever since I realized that I was no longer in love with Glorfindel we have spent much time together. It started with late night walks through the gardens, then picnics during our lunch hour, chess matches after dinner, private breakfasts most mornings, and before I knew it we spent all of our time together.

I desperately wish for the absolutely impossible. There is no future for me and Elrond, even if he were to fall in love with me also. How could there ever be? He is married and bound to Lady Celebrían and will eventually be reunited with her in Valinor. For a Chief Counselor and supposedly one of the most intelligent elves in Imladris, I am quite stupid. You would think that I would learn from my mistake with Glorfindel, but I did not.

I cannot and will not go through this again. I have made my decision even when I know that Elrond and everyone else will not like it. I will sail west to Valinor. I know it is a cowardly move and that I am running away but it is better than the alternative. It breaks my heart to know that I will never see Elrond again but how could I when it hurts so much to be near and know it could never be. I will sail, but how to tell him or the others for that matter.

"Erestor! Can you hear me? I have been trying to get your attention for some minutes," Elrond says. I sigh knowing that I am the cause of his worry. "Sorry, I was distracted," I answer trying to calm him down.

"What has you so distracted mellon nin," he asks while taking a seat in the chair across from my desk.

"It is nothing Elrond," I say turning around and looking through the window. "It is not nothing, Erestor. You have been distracted a lot recently and have been distancing yourself from me. I want to know why. Is it something I have done?"

"Nay, Elrond. Leave it be," I answer still refusing to look at him.

"Seas Erestor, tell me," he says desperately taking my hands in his. I hadn't even heard him approach. "I…I…I wish to sail," I finally admit looking down at our joined hands. I know without looking at him that I have shocked him.

"Nay, Erestor, Nay. You cannot, you can't leave me," Elrond cries out. I can feel his hands trembling in mine and look up to see him crying.

"I have already decided Elrond," I respond as I get up and leave my office, my heart breaking anew.

"Daro! Erestor," Elrond yells grabbing my arm before I can make a swift exit and dragging me back to my office.

"Let go Elrond," I say. "Nay, Erestor. You will not leave. I won't let you," he says as he looks the door.

"It's my decision Elrond. Now let me leave," I say as I move to unlock the door.

"Nay, Erestor. You will not leave this office until I tell you to. YOU will listen to what I have to say."

"Seas Elrond, Let it be. I have made my choice."

"Nay. I… you can't leave. I can't go on without you, Erestor, I love you. I… I have been in love with you for so long, before Glorfindel even. I..."

"Don't Elrond. You know that it could never work. It is Glorfindel all over again. Can't you see that?"

"No, it isn't Erestor. I love you. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Seas, give us a chance."

"Nay Elrond, what about when it is time for us to sail, there is still Celebrían. Nay, I cannot. Why can't you just leave it be, I didn't stay with Glorfindel what makes you think that I will with you?"

"I am not Glorfindel, Erestor. Celebrían and I were never bonded and she released me from our vows. She is not waiting for me in Valinor. I am free to be with whoever I want, Erestor. I want you. Seas Erestor, won't you tell me that you love me too. I love you," Elrond declared taking hold of both my hands and placing them over his heart.

"I…I love you too," I mumbled looking down. "Oh, Erestor," Elrond says as he hugs me tight. "You don't know how long I have waited for you to say that," Elrond whispers against my ear. "It hurt so much to see you with Glorfindel but then relieved when it finally ended. I knew that I had to get your attention and make you fall in love with me too."

"Please say that you will not sail, Erestor, because if you do I will follow you. I don't care about anything else."

"What about Elladan and Elrohir? You can't leave them," I say tightening my hold on Elrond not wanting to let him go. "They are grown elves with their own lives, they will manage. I deserve to be happy too and I know they will be happy for me" Elrond response placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I…I don't want to go," I finally say looking up at him. "Good," Elrond whispers as he kisses me with a passion I have never known.

"I love you, Elrond," I say before kissing him trying to convey all my love for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Many things have changed since the day Elrond confessed that he loved me. I never thought that I could be this happy. I admit that I was nervous on what Elrond's sons would think about our relationship. Turns out that I had nothing to worry about as they had even placed bets on when it would happen. It seems that all those years of waiting made Elrond quite impatient and moved our relationship along fairly quickly. We were married and bonded to one another within a year. All of Imladris residents were happy for us, even Glorfindel.

Everything is absolutely perfect. Well, it would be perfect if it weren't for the pain of these damn contractions. It is all Elrond's fault anyway; he was the one who wished for another elfing. It is not as if I were not excited at becoming an Ada but why did it have to be me who carried the child. It has been an excruciating year filled with morning sickness, late night cravings, back and foot pain, and the absolutely worst of all was having to relieve myself almost every hour. All that pain, however, did not compare to what I was going through now.

"Just a bit more Erestor and you will be ready to push, my love," Elrond says while stroking my hair lovingly.

"It is easy for you to say. I am the one in pain and having to push a baby the size of a watermelon from my body through a birthing canal that by all means should not exist in a male body," I yell at Elrond through another contraction. Can they possibly get any more painful and why where they lasting longer and becoming more frequent. Deep down I know the answer but all this pain was making my forget everything that Elrond and the healers told me to expect all this last year.

"I know it hurts sweetheart but think about the wonderful gift we have been given. Can you imagine how she will look like and how you will feel when you can finally hold her in your arms?" Elrond whispers against my ear while gently caressing my check.

"Aye, I am sorry Elrond. It just hurts so much. How much longer?" I ask hoping the answer will be soon.

"We are just about there, my love. Just a few more minutes while the healers get everything set up," he answers placing a loving kiss on my brow and moving to inspect the birthing canal.

"Elladan please get a blanket ready and Elrohir please help Erestor," I can hear Elrond say from somewhere in the room.

"You are almost done Erestor soon you will have the most beautiful elfing in your arms. And then maybe you can stop yelling at Ada so much, even if it has been most entertaining," Elrohir says taking my hand in his.

"It…was you and Elladan w…who suggested I make your Ada fawn over me and suggested I make him experience this pregnancy in full," I pant through another contraction.

"Ah, I will talk to the both of you later," Elrond winks. "Erestor it is time push as hard as you can on the next contraction love."

Finally, it is almost over I don't think I could take any more of this pain. "Now Erestor. Push now," Elrond yells. I push down as hard as I can. If I though the pain was excruciating before, it is nothing compared to what I am feeling now. It feels like I am breaking in two.

"You can stop now, Erestor. Do the breathing exercises that we practiced before," I can barely hear Elrond talking. "Elrohir guide his breathing."

"Erestor try to match my breathing. You are doing great. Just a few more pushes and you will be done."

"Breath, just breath, it is really easy for you to say. Just breath, I want to see you going through this. Telling me to breathe as if it did not hurt enough," I ranted trying to comply as best I could.

"Push now, Erestor," Elrohir echoed Elrond. I once again pushed feeling as the head slowly exited my body. "Good, Erestor, you are doing well. Just one more push to get the shoulders through." Good just one more push and the pain will be over.

"Now Erestor," I heard Elrohir speak into my ear. I did as I was told tightening my hold on Elrohir's hand hearing the bones pop. Elrohir did not even make a noise but instead encouraged me. I didn't mean to break his hand but I admit it felt good knowing someone else was hurting too besides me.

The pain was even worse than the last push but at last, I felt the child leave my body. "She is here and absolutely beautiful," I could hear Elrond saying. All of a sudden I could hear the wailing of my baby.

"She is beautiful Erestor, so very beautiful. It makes everything worth it I believe, including my broken hand," Elrohir said wiping my forehead with a cool cloth.

"I…I am sorry Elrohir, I didn't mean to," I apologized crying painfully.

"It is alright Erestor, not a big deal. Come now don't cry, Ada will bring the little one in a few moments and besides it gives me an excuse to laze around while Elladan and Glorfindel do all the real work. I could even help you but please stop crying," Elrohir babbled.

"Shh, don't cry my love. Look at our little miracle. She is absolutely beautiful just like her birthing Ada," Elrond says as he places my baby in my arms for the first time. They are absolutely right, she is the most beautiful elfing in all of Arda.

"She's beautiful, absolutely beautiful," I say caressing her soft cheek with my finger.

"What should we name her," Elrond asks as he strokes her soft dark hair.

"Arwen, her name is Arwen," I say looking up at Elrond.

"Aye, Arwen," he says before kissing me deeply.


End file.
